JINKIES!!! IT'S ALL REAL NOW!!!

SO... sorry for the long delay since my last post... you know how my life gets... and it's fixing to get crazier.  

Many of you know that I have been dissatisfied with the direction of my life for quite awhile. It seems like I start down the path towards my goal and then I get derailed, or chicken out, or simply fail to act because other things get in the way.  I know this about myself. Self-awareness can be a handy tool, and so it is for me.  

Today- like a million other Fridays- I picked up a breakfast burrito and a sweet iced tea and drove to my job in an exhausted fog.  I am sure the radio was on, but I couldn't tell you what was on it. All I know is a pulled in to my normal parking space, greeted my co-worker and prepared to face the day ahead.   My every intention was to finish the discovery on my desk and catch up on some miscellaneous filing. Funny how God takes your life into HIS hands and leads you down the path HE chooses.  

My co-worker and I had a conversation about work before anyone else arrived to the office. We each recounted how difficult things had become and how frustrated we were with the current states of our lives.

AND JUST LIKE THAT- in a blink of eye- GOD SHOWS HIMSELF. 

We looked at her school program and figured out that she could be done with school in two terms- when this whole time she thought she had years and years to go. Which led me to examine my goals as well.  I have put off my life for YEARS.  I have just tried to be satisfied with the present, be grateful for what I have, and tried to find contentment in just making it day-to-day.  Today- TODAY- God took me by then hand and led me to the path and then you know what He did?  HE FREAKING PUSHED ME HARD DOWN THAT PATH!!! It was like He finally had enough of my procrastination and whining and said "ENOUGH GIRL- If you want something you have never had, you are going to have to do something you have never done- now GET GOING."

So I sat with that for the whole day.  I finished my discovery. I caught up my case list, finished a major memo, packed the files that my boss was going to need for his upcoming trip, and finished a bunch of crap that has been fixing to blow up in my face due to the fact that we have been understaffed and overwhelmed.  Normally under these conditions, I would have been pretty stressed out, pissed off, and feeling hopeless about my situation.  Not today.  Today- God encouraged me to go get what I want. He showed me that my work ethic is on point, my abilities are sound, and the only thing lacking was me. He showed me that the only thing standing between me and the goal I set was ME.  REVELATION!!!

SO WHAT IS IT????   Well kids- I left work on time. I drove home renewed, and tonight I registered to take the LSAT in December!!!  HOLY SHIT!!!!  It took me almost two hours to work up enough courage to do it, but I did it!!! I created my account, I picked the date, I filled out the registration form, I wavered between whether I should do it or not for a LONNNNNNNG time and then I paid the entrance fee- and right now- I have a ticket to take the LSAT on December 1, 2012.  Part of me is so stoked- the other part wants to puke.  

So that's it.  The next few months are going to be the true test of whether I can actually make it through. I am not telling my co-workers anything.  THIS IS ABOUT ME AND THE TEST!!!  I cannot allow a single outside influence to derail me.  I cannot allow myself to sabotage myself.  I am going to need your prayers and your support.  It's all real now... the die has been cast.  I still might puke.

105 days!!!!

Byrdie