103 to go....

103 days until I sit for a test which will determine my path and future plans. I have spent the past three hours studying for the LSAT... Analytical Reasoning- Christ!!! Since we last spoke, I have been trying to analytically "reason" which portion of this test is going to be the worst and require the most work on my part to get a decent score. Hmmmm any guesses? If you said ANALYTICAL REASONING then your deductive abilities are on point, and you are definitely on the right track. Now friends, don't think that I have thrown in the towel- I haven't. I have simply gained better insight into the strange and mysterious workings of what will forever be dubbed- The BYRD BRAIN. The Byrd Brain is not small in size..It has the capacity for great things, but it is definitely hardwired in a totally random and frustrating way. What is super easy and makes absolute and perfect sense to some- seems impossible and totally random to me. 

This is not new information.  Most of you know that I absolutely cannot decipher that mathematical languages of Fractions, Algebra and Geometry. It has been proven through testing- Byrd has a pretty significant learning disability. I know- you're stunned. Having proof of this and acknowledging the same, I know that the road to the LSAT is going to be studded with a mine field of disconnects and wrong turns. This is OK!!! I am going to be OK!!! As I mentioned in my last post, self-awareness can be a useful tool. Knowing that the Byrd Brain does what it wants and not necessarily what I want, will ultimately be useful. I just have to develop a schedule- find people who have the requisite abilities to assist- and WORK HARDER. Whatever... you know me... you know I am not afraid to work hard, you know I am resourceful as hell, and you know I am a time management master. Byrdie IS the Muthafuckin' MAN!!!! I don't see the Byrd Brain as a bad thing- it's just different and knowing what the deal is can only help. I am sure it will prove entertaining. 

My point is this- it would be very easy to let this one thing freak me out and stop me in my tracks. It would be really simple to throw up my hands and settle for the way things are right now. BUT when I think about all of the things I would have missed out on because they were hard- then my life would not have been very well-lived. I encourage you all to take a risk. BET ON YOURSELVES!!! Dream Bigger than you ever have. It will be worth it. Whatever the outcome... it will be worth it.

Off I go to fill my head with logic rules....

Byrdie

JINKIES!!! IT'S ALL REAL NOW!!!

SO... sorry for the long delay since my last post... you know how my life gets... and it's fixing to get crazier.  

Many of you know that I have been dissatisfied with the direction of my life for quite awhile. It seems like I start down the path towards my goal and then I get derailed, or chicken out, or simply fail to act because other things get in the way.  I know this about myself. Self-awareness can be a handy tool, and so it is for me.  

Today- like a million other Fridays- I picked up a breakfast burrito and a sweet iced tea and drove to my job in an exhausted fog.  I am sure the radio was on, but I couldn't tell you what was on it. All I know is a pulled in to my normal parking space, greeted my co-worker and prepared to face the day ahead.   My every intention was to finish the discovery on my desk and catch up on some miscellaneous filing. Funny how God takes your life into HIS hands and leads you down the path HE chooses.  

My co-worker and I had a conversation about work before anyone else arrived to the office. We each recounted how difficult things had become and how frustrated we were with the current states of our lives.

AND JUST LIKE THAT- in a blink of eye- GOD SHOWS HIMSELF. 

We looked at her school program and figured out that she could be done with school in two terms- when this whole time she thought she had years and years to go. Which led me to examine my goals as well.  I have put off my life for YEARS.  I have just tried to be satisfied with the present, be grateful for what I have, and tried to find contentment in just making it day-to-day.  Today- TODAY- God took me by then hand and led me to the path and then you know what He did?  HE FREAKING PUSHED ME HARD DOWN THAT PATH!!! It was like He finally had enough of my procrastination and whining and said "ENOUGH GIRL- If you want something you have never had, you are going to have to do something you have never done- now GET GOING."

So I sat with that for the whole day.  I finished my discovery. I caught up my case list, finished a major memo, packed the files that my boss was going to need for his upcoming trip, and finished a bunch of crap that has been fixing to blow up in my face due to the fact that we have been understaffed and overwhelmed.  Normally under these conditions, I would have been pretty stressed out, pissed off, and feeling hopeless about my situation.  Not today.  Today- God encouraged me to go get what I want. He showed me that my work ethic is on point, my abilities are sound, and the only thing lacking was me. He showed me that the only thing standing between me and the goal I set was ME.  REVELATION!!!

SO WHAT IS IT????   Well kids- I left work on time. I drove home renewed, and tonight I registered to take the LSAT in December!!!  HOLY SHIT!!!!  It took me almost two hours to work up enough courage to do it, but I did it!!! I created my account, I picked the date, I filled out the registration form, I wavered between whether I should do it or not for a LONNNNNNNG time and then I paid the entrance fee- and right now- I have a ticket to take the LSAT on December 1, 2012.  Part of me is so stoked- the other part wants to puke.  

So that's it.  The next few months are going to be the true test of whether I can actually make it through. I am not telling my co-workers anything.  THIS IS ABOUT ME AND THE TEST!!!  I cannot allow a single outside influence to derail me.  I cannot allow myself to sabotage myself.  I am going to need your prayers and your support.  It's all real now... the die has been cast.  I still might puke.

105 days!!!!

Byrdie