SO- it's only 90 days until the LSAT. Everyday that I study, confirms that I might just be retarded. I knew when I started this thing again that it would not be a cake walk, but Good Lord... this seems nearly impossible. There is nothing worse than wondering if I am just going to end up disappointed and embarrassed that I even bothered to try this again. That old familiar Fucker named DOUBT is getting into my head. I HATE THAT GUY!!! Doubt is an asshole!!!
There are classes available and there are online courses, but they are so far out of my financial reach. Who has $1200+ to drop on a tutor or a class? Not me that's for sure. Even half that might as well be a million bucks!!! Part of me wants to just throw my hands up and let it go. The other part is grasping for positivity and the bright side. I need to do this. I need to change my destiny. I need to do something other than just struggle for the rest of my life. I owe something so much better to Ben than what I have currently given him. I cannot begin to express how hard it is to want to give him the world and feel like I am failing at every turn. He is loved, which is the most important thing. I just wish I could do the other things for him. He doesn't complain. He doesn't say anything about any of it. I think he knows that I do the best I can. Still, I have to wonder if it gets to him the way that it gets to me.
Don't worry kids, I haven't thrown in the towel. I actually signed up for a practice test that is taking place on September 15, 2012. I figure, if nothing else, I will get a read on where I'm at. I have found some things on YouTube, of all places. I also resorted to buying some Kaplan prep books on Ebay, but I just cannot grasp the concepts!!! The most frustrating thing is, I KNOW there are strategies for solving these problems. I know that there are tools and tricks that are available, but I CANNOT FIND THEM, mostly because I don't know what I am looking for or if I am even asking the right question. There is some comfort in knowing that I don't need the best score. I need somewhere between a 150-155. This shouldn't be impossible. My research has shown that I need a strong application, and I know I can manage that. I can manage it. I know it.
On an unrelated side note, I have a gigantic zit under my right eye which I can see when I look down. It is like the size of a pea, and it freaking hurts. I have tried everything to get rid of it, and it is getting bigger by the second. Nothing like a little insult to injury right? Awesome.
Pray that the next 89 days are better than today.
Byrdie
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